How Kate Spade battled depression is more relevant than ever.
Understanding depression. How Kate Spade battled depression is more relevant than ever.
Understanding Depression
Understanding depression is more relevant than ever. In just a few years, depression went from not being talked about to finally being seen as an illness.
Who is Kate Spade?
There’s this misconception that people who are depressed are selfish. I found that out after Kate Spade took her own life. Her style is, and always will be, iconic. It seemed as though Kate Spade was living the high life. Her signature bags were all the rage in the ’80s and ’90s. If you didn’t own one, then you probably wished you did. Since then, women have looked to her lifestyle brand to copy the American style she created.
The story behind how Kate Spade helped normalize what depression looks like
The first time I ever spoke about mental illness was to a stranger at a hair salon the year after Kate Spade died.
I waited three months before getting an appointment at the new hair salon that had just opened up in town. The day finally came, and I was excited. When I arrived, I opened the door and walked in. It felt like I stepped into a “Restoration Hardware” display room, with the aroma of hair products mingling with an earthy scent and fresh paint. A woman behind the desk greeted me with a big smile and friendly eyes. She checked me in and told me to have a seat while I waited for my stylist. Once I had sat down, she asked if I would like a beverage. She listed several options, but I politely declined. I remember thinking, ” I can see myself becoming a regular here.”
I looked around the room and saw a stack of magazines, including PEOPLE with Kate Spade on the cover, spread out on a table in the corner. Usually, I avoid reading magazines in public places, but this issue’s cover featured one of my favorite designers, Kate Spade. So I needed to read it.
As I looked through the magazine, a woman appeared and introduced herself as Kendra. She asked me to follow her and she said she would be my stylist today. So I brought the PEOPLE magazine with me.
I was schooled in what the unaffected knew about depression.
After talking with Kendra about my hair and some quick pleasantries, I returned to reading about Kate Spade. I began to feel physically sick. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much pain she must have been in to commit suicide. In the mirror’s reflection, I noticed Kendra was looking at the article on my lap.
“That was so sad about Kate Spade. What a waste. “She had everything; talk about being selfish,” Kendra said as she began to cut my hair. “And did you know she had a daughter?” Kendra’s words left me speechless. Her lack of knowledge astounded me. I asked, “Did you know that Kate Spade suffered from depression?” Kendra didn’t say a word.
I asked, “Do you know anyone with depression?” She said, “No.” I said, “You know depression isn’t a choice, right? Nobody chooses to feel hopeless.”
“It doesn’t matter how famous you are, how much money or talent you have, or how many people you love or love you.” Kendra stopped what she was doing and looked at me through the mirror’s reflection.
I continued, “The pain someone with depression feels can be gut-wrenching.” “I don’t think Kate Spade was selfish; I bet she thought she was the opposite.”
Kendra asked, “If she was so selfless, why would she have killed herself?” I replied, “I never met Kate Spade so I have no idea what she was dealing with but I do know that when you’re in a deep depression, it can get so painful that it’s hard to breathe, and you start to feel guilt. So much guilt.” “You begin to believe that your family doesn’t deserve this shitstorm you are putting them through.”
Vices can only mask the pain of depression for a while.
“So you try to mask and ease the pain by using vices.” “The vices eventually stop working, whether by choice or by getting caught.”
“So, then, on top of the mental pain, the depressed person must face whatever horror show they made for themselves.” I continued, “Nobody can know how often this had occurred to her.”
“I’m sure it was enough that it got too “loud” to hear anything else.” Kendra’s mouth was wide open. I was so grateful that all she had left to do was blow-dry my hair.
The misconception that people who are depressed are being selfish.
Unless a person has depression or anxiety from fighting it themselves or through a loved one’s pain, they don’t know how awful it can be.
I never returned to that salon, even though Kendra gave me a great haircut. I was embarrassed by my behavior. When I first got there, I felt positive energy. But it no longer felt that way when I left.
Depression leaves many marks on people, but being selfish isn’t one of them.
Conclusion
So many Americans still don’t know that depression isn’t a choice. I hope Kate Spade’s legacy will help.
The more famous personalities come forward about their own battles with depression,then, more folks who haven’t been touched by it will recognize that it’s a sickness, not a way of life..
I’ll never forget the black Kate Spade bag I treasured as a teenager. Still, it’s her role in normalizing what depression looks like that I’ll always be most grateful for. ABOUT ME.
